I recently walked away from a conversation that I felt was going in circles. “What’s the matter,” the other person said, “Are you afraid of a little healthy debate?” I thought back to my youth, when I loved sparring with my high school friends and the other members of the Louisville Freethought Society. I remembered how I had gotten a reputation as the person who always wore a t-shirt with some slogan on it. I recalled that, although it was a thrill to be quick witted and zoom through debates like a fighter pilot, I alienated people. I felt right and great about myself until I was all alone.
What I’ve found through the years is that I prefer meaningful conversation to the ol’ “healthy debate.” In a debate, the speakers (they’re never called listeners) are trying to win. They’re making arguments. They’re listening to each other through a kind of filter–”What’s she saying that I can use to make my point,” rather that simply, “What’s she saying?” In a debate, the point is to win.
In the meaningful conversations I’ve had lately, the point is to share my experience and understand the other person’s so that we can feel heard and supported or solve some problem together for the highest good–not one person’s need, but everyone’s. This assumes that the old attachments of debate can be abandoned–the need to be right, to convince others, the need to have one’s own outcome chosen and implemented, etc. Not everyone’s ready to put the ego aside in this way. I’ve been trying and struggling with it for years. But it’s sweetly liberating when I’m able to do it, quite a thing of beauty.
So my partner Iuval and I have been debating his views on gender and consumerism for months. Both of us feel unheard by the other, and are convinced that if the other just heard us, we would see the  truth and agree. Easier said…
Most of Iuval’s background ideas are contained in his blog, entitled Ingredients for a Viable Humanity. Here is one of the passages that consistently triggers my feminist ire:
The second type of masculine energy, which may be called the Testicular Masculine, is a protective and restraining energy. It provides limits on the unbounded creativity and need for resources of the Uterine Feminine. As in “sorry honey but you can’t have a bigger house, unless we figure out a sustainable way to do it. Think of the destruction of rainforest that will provide the floor boards. Think of all those who are expropriated in order to get and process that wood, steel and copper. Maybe we could build out of local materials? Maybe we could share with others? What is it you really need?”
This is when I throw food. Tired of digging French fries out of his hair, Iuval posted a blog, trying to lay it all out for me again. He really does a careful, thoughtful job. Even so, I felt a desire to harvest a few cherry tomatoes while I posted a comment. I’d love to hear what Hippie Chick Diaries readers have to say!
Iuval’s blog:
Most feminist responses to what I have written about the connections between consumerism and gender have been angry or dismissive. Attempts have been made to silence, humiliate, ridicule or throw food at me. On the one hand, this makes me think that I may be onto something, because the same responses were given to early feminists like Margaret Fuller (with the exception of the food throwing) and other thinkers who have exposed what I call Naked Emperors—that is things about a culture that everyone in that culture knows at some level of consciousness, but ignores or represses on another. On the other hand, perhaps I am simply wrong. But then why the anger? People can say things that are wrong without eliciting anger—for example, if someone said the earth is flat. Maybe the anger is a reaction to all the oppression of women by patriarchy (and it’s mythical/religious manifestations), and a perception that I am only going to perpetuate that oppression with my theories. In other words, people may be thinking that I am a patriarchal reactionary. I think this is a misunderstanding, and I want to explain in detail why I think that.

Like most feminists, I share the following values. I would like it if:
1. People are free to express themselves in any joyful way without being constrained by their gender. In other words, I believe that gender fluidity is desirable, and I am not a biological or cultural determinist.
2. People could find an inner balance between masculine and feminine energies, so that they don’t project what Jung called “the Shadow” onto the other gender, but instead have a good understanding of both masculine and feminine energies, through their own experiences and introspection.
3. People are free to experiment with these energies not only within themselves, but within larger groups and relationships, such as dyads, triads, etc. In other words, much joy could be created if for example, one member of a dyad has more feminine energy, and another more masculine energy, then if both are more feminine or more masculine. Both these people could be male or female or trans, although it might be easier if the person with the predominant masculine energy is physically male, and the one with the predominant feminine energy is physically female, as there is more endocrine support for these energies that way.

Things that I am NOT saying (followed by clarification of what I am actually saying):
1. That biology has nothing to do with masculine or feminine energies. Like most sexually reproducing animals, humans are sexually dimorphic. It seems improbable that hormonal, morphological and gene expression differences would not be translated into some psychological differences. But this biological propensity is not deterministic, only correlative and historically originated the meaning of the words masculine and feminine. E. O Wilson had ice water poured over his head for stating the more general observation (which I agree with) that biology has consequences at the level of psychology and sociology.
2. That culture has nothing to do with gender differences. Many feminists and leftist thinkers think, at the other extreme, that differences are due mostly to culture. I disagree and take a more moderate position, but this is not critical to my analysis.
3. That women are responsible for consumerism, or that men are responsible for patriarchy. Both consumerism and patriarchy are systems with many interacting parts. I think the feminine energies of nest-building and the need for comfort and security, when out of balance with male energies, are major (but not only) factors in consumerism.
4. That men need to keep women under control with their testicular masculine energy. The best form of restraint is internal, so both men and women would be less consumptive if they exhibited more testicular masculine energy.
5. That advertising has nothing to do with consumerism. It does, but the advertisers are only successful because they understand basic psychology and appeal to primal things like the needs for comfort and security (in both men and women).
6. That comfort and security are bad. They are necessary for creativity and a good life. But there is more to life than comfort and security. Adventure, joy, curiosity and the comfort and security of others (including future generations) are also important. When comfort and security are everything, they murder the soul, as Khalil Gibran said.
7. That nest-building is bad. Nest-building is natural and beautiful. Only when it is not balanced by a bigger vision and an understanding does it become problematic.
8. That men do not need comfort and security. Of course they do, but less than women who are starting to think about getting pregnant, are pregnant or have children.
9. That men are not factors in consumerism. Of course they are, but I think the main reason is that they do not express enough testicular masculine energy in this present moment in this culture, and moreover are not expressing enough feminine energy within themselves, thus needing it from external sources, consuming mainly to obtain the comfort of female companionship.

The survey, the main experimental tool of sociologists would be useful in testing some of these hypotheses. The experimental procedure is fraught with obstacles though. In the first approximation, one could look for differences between men and women. It would be harder to test differences between masculine and feminine energies, or between the presence and lack of testicular masculine energy. Many controls would be needed, for example, men and women from middle eastern cultures (where men still have a lot of testicular masculine) who have immigrated to the West, could be compared to each other, and also to men and women from our culture. Motivations would need to be examined, not just money spent. For example, if a man buys a house, is he buying it for himself, or for his wife and children? Would he be content with a smaller house? Would his wife? How much money is spent on housing and related industries, vs other things and who cares more about housing, men or women?


wiselittleraccoon said…
Hello Sweetie,

Thanks for laying all of these ideas out carefully and thoughtfully. I appreciate all the nuances of each thought, as I have the forty-seven other times you have expressed them.

I hear you. I disagree with you.

When you use gender as a descriptor or a way of explaining what you see, either by physical sex or the four gendered energies as you describe them (whether or not your understanding matches your source material), you build walls between you and people like me who would like to partner with you to reverse the culture of consumerism. Seeing consumerism through the lens gender patterns is not a path to an enlightened view that suddenly makes us realize our wicked ways and cut up our credit cards. It instead makes women, or this woman, want to throw food at you. Does this mean you’re “onto something?” Possibly, just as it is possible that you are in fact a patriarchal reactionary, although you would like to believe you’re not.

Everyone, male, female, intersexed, trans, needs to get real about how our culture of stuff is killing us and the planet with us. We need to find a level of simplicity we can sustain, and find satisfaction in more non-material pursuits. I’d love to hear you talk more about consumerism as a substitute for spirituality. I resonate with that. But making the discussion about gender, or at least trying to understand the trends through perceived gender differences, is offensive, not informative. The food landing on you and your difficulty in recruiting community members are evidence that your world view is dividing people, not bringing us together.

Good luck on that intentional community thing. Better plan for lots of food fights in the dining hall…

wiselittleraccoon said…
I had another thought or three this morning. Using your model of the four gendered energies, which I do not know that I embrace as truth, but using it as descriptive, one fatal flaw in your writing in general and your treatise in particular, may be that you are writing from the penile masculine in one moment and the testicular masculine in the next, with a little Kali thrown in. Your writing may suffer from an imbalance, utterly (udderly?) lacking in uterine feminine, which makes your message appear harsh and reactionary. The adjustments I’ve been recommending all along, including the removal of gender from the description of these energies and their behaviors, may be the voice of the uterine feminine playing a moderating role–playing the testicular masculine–to bring you back into balance.

Also, although you may see this as useless effort, I think you should go on to describe how each of the energies moderates the others. And if the dynamic of the testicular masculine tempering the uterine feminine is best played out internally within an individual of either gender, then I think your example should show how that works, rather than being an example of a man tempering a woman, which is incendiary.

In my Open Classroom project, I wanted to have a kid version of the various personality type indicator models our there–Myers Briggs, Keirsey Bates, enneagrams, etc. The kids and I started considering our energies based on the four elements, fire, water, earth and air. This was familiar to them. Using these elements as descriptors, I would give the feedback that your writing is a lot of fire, which is wonderful and exciting until it’s untempered by other elements. As a person who can tend to be earth to a fault, I simply end up feeling scorched by your message. I may rebuild and regrow, but I don’t feel all warm and cuddly and thankful to the fire for dismissing and wiping out what I’ve achieved. I don’t suddenly want to join the fire in its mission.

Love ya Sweetie!

Wren Tuatha

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