S.O.S–Snow, Ominous Snow!

Somewhere, under this huge snow cloud that spans several states, there is a wooded ridge, overlooking a narrow stream valley with a quaint mill and beautiful gardens, a pond and a playground. That wooded ridge is blanketed, no, quilted…no, comfortered…no, duveted in three feet of snow. Under that snow is a modest, cozy cabin with an A-frame loft. But you wouldn’t know it, because it’s under three feet of snow.

In that modest, cozy cabin is one bored sheltie, who has managed to tamp down a path to the nearest tree in the back yard, It’s a very well watered tree.

Under that modest, cozy cabin are two shivering pygmy goats, who have blazed a ten foot trail under the evergreen, whose branches are heavy with snow, so they hang low enough for bored goats to nibble–One well nibbled tree!

Around the edges of the roof, icicles line up like soldiers, or stalactites or predators’ teeth asking, “Don’t you wish you’d put those gutters and water catchment barrels on last summer?”

On the porch of the modest cabin is a plastic tree, covered in snow, perched as if looking out on the real forest like Pinocchio. Against the house lie two tons of wood pellets. And beside them rests a drop cloth which seems to say, “You should have spread me over the pellets before the snow came…”

Inside the cabin, surrounded by folk art decoys, Blenko glass and books on filmmaking, butt up against the blast of the pellet stove, is me, one barely coping Hippie Chick, warming her hands and thinking, “I hope they plow us out in time for my therapy appointment. I can’t miss my therapy appointment. Have they cleared out parking spaces downtown? I have a therapy appointment!”

I check the internet for a weather forecast. I see we’re in for another two feet! Two feet? We have three feet already on the ground, that’s up to my hip socket. Another two feet? I’m only five foot one, total. That puts the snow at my hairline, which, I might point out, is north of my nose. I’m gonna need a snorkel. I wish I liked snorkeling.  Then I would probably own one. Oh, this is unacceptable.

Can’t we be egalitarian about this? There must be other regions of the country to which we could truck our snow. My hometown, Louisville, only got a couple of inches. This is not fair to the children of Louisville, of all the Louisvilles everywhere. I can’t keep this abundance for myself. How about Los Angeles? Think of the little children of Los Angeles living without snow. Send a caravan of refrigerated trucks here and we could make their dreams come true!

A helicopter. I need to be airlifted out of here now. S.O.S.!

I can only survive so long. I started a candida cleanse before the snow came. I have no fun food in the house–no pasta, bread, cheese, chocolate. I like greens and quinoa but under threat of being buried alive, I want happy food, now!

Dad in Florida, if you’re reading this, this is your other daughter, the one who doesn’t live in Minnesota. Don’t let the photos fool you. I know Minnesnoweda only has two seasons–winter and July. But I’m your Maryland daughter. I’m entitled to four seasons and I graduated from winter early this year. So as soon as I can dig out, I’m coming to live with you for a while. Are pygmy goats allowed in your golf/retirement Intentional Community?

Please join our Hippie Chick Diaries fan page on Facebook!