With the recent passing of comedian George Carlin, I sat down to remember him in a way I hope he could appreciate. Here are seven words for him:
1. Ponytail. Every man who wants to be president, or who wants my vote or attention for any reason, should be required to grow and wear a ponytail in public. Let’s put a little bow in it, in honor of George Washington while we’re at it. You’re all on notice: News guys, cops, the hair is getting just way too short around here. You’re not excused, Jon Stewart, get growing…
2. Booger. Fictional tv dj Dr. Johnny Fever lost his old radio gig for saying “booger” on the air. The boys of South Park want to win the right to say “shit” on cable. But they’re just shadows of George Carlin, who took art to the Supreme Court for us all with “Seven Words You Can’t Say on TV”. If you can’t speak “shit” to power, what’s the point in having the right?
3. Playgay. I just made that up. But now it’s a word to honor all straight actors who lovingly play gay, which, even when Carlin did it in 1991’s Prince of Tides, could be risky. You go, gurrl! Love the ponytail…
4. Bug-eyed. Half of Carlin’s humor was in his expression when he exposed society’s absurdity. That’s art, when a performer on a blank stage can keep us engrossed in his/her mental universe, often with just a look.
5. Frisbeetarianism. Carlin’s religion. When you die your “soul gets flung onto a roof, and just stays there.” I also want to give a nod to his commandment, “Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.”
6. Payback. From the Life is Worth Losing show: “I look at it this way… For centuries now, man has done everything…to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature: clear-cutting forests, strip-mining mountains, poisoning the atmosphere, over-fishing the oceans…destroying wetlands and aquifers… so when nature strikes back, and smacks him on the head and kicks him in the nuts, I enjoy that. I have absolutely no sympathy for human beings whatsoever. None. And no matter what kind of problem humans are facing, whether it’s natural or man-made, I always hope it gets worse.”
7. Logicmonoger. “Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”
And lastly, a bonus word,
7a. Ladder. Somebody with good equilibrium climb up on the roof and see if there are any frisbees up there.